The first was Matthew 22:37-40: "Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."

The second was the apostle Paul's treatise on love in the 13th chapter of I Corinthians. These verses were copied in my childish handwriting in the notes section at the back of my Bible. I remember thinking, "This is easy; all I have to do is love people." Oh, for the innocence and simplicity of a child! Over the years, I've learned that being loving does not always come naturally and that often, but for the grace of God, it would be impossible. At times, it can be difficult even to love our family members as we should.

Several years ago, I earnestly prayed to be able to love unconditionally and truly. Shortly after that prayer, my mother-in-law was widowed for the second time and she moved from Florida to be with us in California. We bought a nice motor home for her and parked it next to us - right next to our window, in fact. I was a little upset at the time because I felt it was an invasion of our privacy, but as my husband mentioned, his mother's deafness didn't allow her to hear us, and her eyesight was not good either. Still, I allowed that little resentment, and others, to rankle. If you had asked me if I loved my mother-in-law, I would have said, "Of course I love her; she's David's mother!" But I had never developed a close relationship with her and we had little in common except our love for her son. David and I had been alone for years and I had become used to having him to myself. Now I had to share him, and I'll admit, I often was not gracious about it, at least internally. I tend to keep things to myself and my resentment and bitterness festered and grew invisibly inside of me.

Less than a year after coming to live near us, Mother's arthritis worsened and it pained her to walk. Her doctor found that there was no cartilage left in one knee and at her advanced age, surgery was not an option. Before long, she was unable to walk at all except to the bathroom and it was clear that soon she would need more of our time and attention. We were determined to take care of her at home. I was willing to help, but I had doubts about my capabilities. For one thing, I thought that I would never be able to bathe another person. Of course, when the time came, I discovered I could do that, and more. Eventually Mother became completely bedridden, having to rely on us to take care of even her most basic and personal needs.

Over time, the stresses of extended caregiving affected my attitude and emotions. I began to feel depressed, burdened, and hateful. I was annoyed by the smallest irritations. I felt like I had become less loving than before I'd prayed for God to teach me to love! For a long time, my prayers were more like complaints. I pleaded with the Lord to change my heart and make me loving and compassionate, yet even though I thought I was trying, there wasn't much improvement. I even began to doubt my salvation, knowing that Jesus Himself said that our love for one another would be the means by which others would know that we are His disciples. (John 13:34,35) He said that we were to love each other as He loved His disciples and, in that, I was failing miserably. It seemed I was taking two steps forward and one step back -- and sometimes I felt like I took one small step forward and slid back ten or twenty!

The Scripture verses that had seemed so simple in my childhood now seemed to condemn me. I knew that the fault was mine, not God's. I finally realized that it was Satan condemning me and that my Heavenly Father only wanted me to be whole in Him. I also began to see that unconditional love was not really something I could learn to do in my own strength, but that God wanted me to allow His agape love to flow through me. First, I had to ask Him to destroy that hidden root of bitterness, repent of my selfishness, and submit my will to His. As always, He was faithful to forgive me and to cleanse me from all unrighteousness. Although my circumstances remained unchanged, my joy returned and I was able to do distasteful chores with equanimity and joy.

I've discovered that when I yield my emotions and my will to the Lord, the Holy Spirit is faithful to supply all I need to perform whatever service He requires of me, including love for my mother-in-law. I have a daily choice to make whether to be led by the Spirit or fumble along in the flesh. I still fail, but I have the assurance that our Father's unconditional love is always available.

"Loving Heavenly Father, thank You for Your great and endless love for us, and for allowing us to share Your love with others. Thank You for Your willingness to forgive and restore. Keep me close to You, Lord, in all that I do, in Jesus' Name. Amen."